I’m sure a question on a lot of stoners’ minds is “How do I pass a drug test?” when it’s time for their next job interview. Some insurance companies even make you get tested before they’ll insure you. Hospitals test new mothers for illegal drugs as well, to make sure the baby isn’t in any sort of danger.

I recently came across an ‘article’ on what’s supposed to be an informational blog about marijuana that really irked me. Instead of simply stating, “No, there is not” and bashing everything, why don’t you take the time to do some research? Passing a drug test while you’re doing drugs isn’t easy, but it is possible, depending on the kind of test.

There are four main types of drug tests: urine, saliva, hair and blood. The most common of these are urine and saliva. I’ve only heard of hair tests being done in the military, and blood tests are usually done in the hospital.

Urinalysis

By law, employers are allowed to require that workers submit to a urine or saliva test to be considered for and/or retain their employment, but the ADA makes it illegal for them to do so without first making a conditional offer of employment.

This is, by far, the most common test. It is also one of the the easiest to pass. You can:

• Chug water to dilute the toxins in your system. Be careful if you choose this method, because a flag will go up if the urine is too diluted and you will either fail or be required to retake the test.
• Load up on poppy seeds! In 1998, the SAMHSA raised the recommended cutoff level used in the NIDA 5 test from 300 ng/mL to 2,000 ng/mL in order to avoid false positives from poppy seeds. You would need to eat an entire loaf of poppy seed bread to for it to register as a false positive, but it can be done. It was even proven on MythBusters when Adam tested positive half an hour after eating a poppy seed cake and Jamie tested positive an hour after eating some poppy seed bagels.
• Substitute the urine sample. If you have a friend that doesn’t do any drugs, ask them to pee in a cup for you. Keep the sample in an airtight, refrigerated container for no longer than two days. After two days, it starts to grow bacteria that can be mistaken for a urinary tract infection. When it’s time to take the test, heat the urine up to 92 – 100° F (33 – 37° C).
• Use synthetic urine. Synthetic urine comes in two forms: liquid and powder. Both are kept in their container with a temperature meter and, like using a friends’ urine, should be submitted to the testing facility at 92 – 100° F (33 – 37° C).

Tips for Taking a Urine Test:

• A lot of testing facilities will have you change into a hospital gown before going into the bathroom. If you’re substituting the urine, either have it tied around the top of your leg or fit snugly in your pocket.
• NIDA 5 is the most common drug test used, and tests for the following drugs: THC, Methamphetamines, Opiates, Crack/Cocaine
• Try to get in and out of the bathroom in under four minutes. Any longer than that, and you start to look suspicious.
• Secondhand smoke will not cause you to fail a drug test.
• Adding bleach to the sample will only change the and flag it as being tampered with, resulting in you failing. Drinking bleach will blind and probably kill you. Just say no! Also, commercial chemicals containing nitrates (Urinaid, THC Free, Klear, Urine Luck, TestKlear, etc.) are all commonly tested for, and will result in a failed drug screen.
• There are tons of different herbal supplements and body cleanser pills and drinks. Some work, some don’t – It depends on the person, really. I’ve known several people to try this method and the outcome was about half and half.

Saliva Screening

Saliva and oral fluid-based tests generally detect drug use up to three days prior to taking the test. These tests are becoming more and more popular due to their convenience, low cost and the ability for the employer to administer the test right on the job site.

When taking this test, the administrator will hand you the collection device and instruct you to put it between your gums and cheek and rub it around a little, before leaving it in place for a full two minutes. Once the two minutes are up, he or she will instruct you to take it out of your mouth and place it back into the tube as far as it will go. The instructor is not touch the device in any way until you place it in the vial, screw it closed, and seal it in a tamper proof bag.

Passing this test is extremely easy:

• It is recommended that you not smoke for at least 3 days before the test. This isn’t an absolute necessity, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
• Brush your teeth very well and rinse with Listerine before you leave for the test.
• When instructed to rub the paddle on your gums, instead rub it slightly on your teeth. Afterward, when told to keep the paddle between your gums and cheek, instead hold it lightly between your top and bottom teeth.

I personally have used this method twice during job interviews and passed both tests with flying colors. The first time, I took one hit off of a bowl before bed during the week before the test. The second time, I even smoked the morning of the test before I brushed my teeth.

Hair Tests

When drug metabolites are in the blood, they’ll end up in the blood vessels, and get filtered through the hair. The drug metabolites stay in the hair as a record of drug use for several months, showing the toxins a person may have used in a time-line fashion. The hair test requires cutting several 1 inch strands of hair, as close to the root as possible, usually from the crown of the head. Body hair (from the face, chest, or underarm) can also be used. Masking hair is useless, as the sample is washed to remove left in products and external contamination.

This can be much harder if cocaine or synthetic drugs are used by dark haired people as it is the melanin (hair color) that is the carrier, not the keratin (hair). Repeated use in dark haired people is almost impossible to reduce below detectable levels. Treatment with toxin removal and a consultation with a professional laboratory technician with the knowledge of Hair Structure are essential to increase your chances of passing. Regular smokers should use a clarifying shampoo regularly to remove toxins that are excreted daily from scalp.

Of course, the easiest and best way to pass a drug test is to not do drugs, but for some people that’s just not possible. In those cases, it is important to know your rights and the procedure of the test being performed so you can pass the test without getting busted.

A common question for pot smokers, especially those still living at home with parents, is “How can I smoke without stinking up the house?” Being a pot smoker and still living with mine, I’ve asked this question many times; Thankfully, I found the answer. Now I’ll share it with you:

Make a Spoof!

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A wise man once said, “They say marijuana leads to other drugs. No it doesn’t, it leads to fucking carpentry.” And Mr. Leary, let me tell you, you’re absolutely right!

Every stoner has done it — Leave the house and forget your pipe, run out of papers without realizing it, or worse – break your pipe and not have a replacement handy. What do you do then?

There are several solutions, but for our first tutorial, we’re going to make a bowl out of tin foil. Before we start, let me say this: This is not the best idea for a pipe, and it’s definitely not something you want to use every time you smoke (Aluminum has been linked to Alzheimer’s,) but it’s quick and easy and okay to use every once in a while when you don’t have anything else handy. Everyone always has tin foil, right? Right. Let’s get started…

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